More often than not, you can find Nicole cooking in the kitchen.
Today, she’s preparing sesame-crusted chicken. Her cooking fills the kitchen with a heady and delicious smelling aroma (Goodness, I hope she's sharing whatever it is she's making!) We sat down for a chat and talked about how hard it is to have a young woman's voice heard and respected in today's day.
Millennial Monologues: How do you feel being a millennial woman?
Nicole Lynn: (starts singing “I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a
Woman by Britney Spears) Hahaha. To be honest, I don’t know. It’s weird
because I personally identify as a millennial, but it’s weird that some people
don’t consider 1997 as “millennial.” And I don’t identify with Gen-Z's--in a
way, I am like Britney Spears’ song: I’m in the middle. We’re starting senior
year and then I’m not going to be in school anymore, and school is something I’ve
known since I was two years old. I’m feeling a little weird at the moment: like
I’m caught between two big life phases.
Even with dating—I feel like I’m too old, maybe “not fresh
enough” for the guys in college but yet when I try dating in the real world, I’m
“too immature”.
MM: Is that something that frustrates you?
NL: Yes! I feel
like I’m an old woman! (laughs) I texted a friend about planning a Mamma Mia marathon and a Greek-inspired
dinner, drinking wine and falling asleep before 10pm. That is my ideal night!
But back to the question, yes, I’ve always felt frustrated. I always had older
friends, and didn’t truly connect with people my age. I think I come across as
intimidating for people my age—which is hilarious. There are still so many
things I don’t know how to do: I don’t know my Social Security (I have the last
4 digits memorized at least, so take
that, Mom!), I don't know how to put air in my tires. It sucks when people are blinded by your age, because I feel it
really hinders me—and I’m not assertive at all, I’m scared of stepping on toes.
MM: In which sphere of your life do you feel
most misunderstood?
NL: I think it’s
my social life. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t have social queues, and I’ll
go up to someone and say, “Hi, I’m Nicole! How you doing?” and I’ll try to find
out their life story. I know that’s weird, but it’s just that I’m so out and
open–and that’s maybe what comes across as intimidating. But don’t be fooled. I
am not the most confident person out there; I’m just like a golden retriever,
and I love interacting with people. And I think that’s really frightening and
off-putting for some people.
And I guess with love and dating, I think—as sucky as it is—it’s
really off-putting to be with someone who knows what they want. And it can come across as aggressive. Like, I was talking to this
guy on an app, and he called me aggressive when I tried to schedule a date
after we had been talking for a couple of days. We were talking a little bit,
and the jokes I was making were going straight over his head. First of all, for me, you have
to have a sliver of a soul, or personality and I don’t think this guy had it. So,
dating has been pretty much nonexistent. I feel like people rely on the
confidence that a tiny screen offers, but the truth is, a lot of the guys today
are assholes, and act ways that they hope will lead to a no-strings attached
hook-up. It’s frustrating—call me old-fashioned, but I’d rather meet someone
out. I feel like you really only get to know a person when you meet them in person; you could talk to someone for
hours over a screen, and not know what they’re doing besides that.
MM: What’s your biggest trip-up about being a
young woman in this world.
NL: I think, for
me personally, it's not being assertive enough. And we can’t control how people
perceive us. I’m afraid that if I’m too assertive I’ll piss someone off, and put
a sour taste in their mouth. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that if
you say what’s on your mind—if you think your opinion is worth hearing and that
person doesn’t care what you have to say, or is put off by it—then, (sensitive readers,
avert your eyes!) fuck them! I think if I had learned that earlier, I would
have gotten out of some sticky situations, and made life a lot easier.
MM: In your opinion, what’s the one topic that
Millennial women need to start having conversations about?
NL: I definitely think
that asserting yourself—and that can happen in any aspect of your life: your
work, your family, your love life, whatever it is, asserting yourself with what
you’re uncomfortable with and pushing back if people try to violate your space. And I think
we’ve made moves to talk about that with the #MeToo movement. I think we should
be teaching guys not to assault girls (Whew!
What a concept!) There are so many situations women find themselves in
where we need to assert ourselves and push back. Just the other night, we were
at a bar, and this creepy guy kept hitting on me and trying to buy me a drink
and I kept saying “No.” But he kept looking and cajoling, “ Oh, you look sad.
Like you’re not having a fun time. Smile for me.” And maybe if I had gotten
angrier and been more assertive he would have gotten the message. But I was
scared to make a scene, and I felt that would be worse. And that’s a wrong
perception, and I’m trying hard to work on it.
MM: Let’s lighten the mood with our last
question: what’s your spirit animal?
NL: A golden retriever. No, I change my mind. I’m a mama
bear. No, is there any animal that is the mixture of the two? Maybe a mother
wolf? Is that like a hybrid of a golden retriever and a mama bear? Because that’s
what I think I would be. I’m a mother bear because I’m so fiercely protective of
my family and friends. And a golden retriever because I’m so cuddly hahaha! I have this long fluffy blond
hair, and I’m a lovable cuddly human.
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